So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope mine doesn't look like that
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
