Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
