I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drake has all the answers
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
