I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
