so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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