My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
