I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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