Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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