I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
