Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
