"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
