I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize