Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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