I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
