He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
