im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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