ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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