just come out here and I will go home with you...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
