So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
