I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
