I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
