Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
