I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
