When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
