I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
