I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
