If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
