the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize