The maid of honor just puked.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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