the condom got lost in my hair
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
