Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
