I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
