Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
