In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
