so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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