you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
