my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
