at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
