**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
