so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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