just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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