It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
