I wish I could teleport
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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