Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
