Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
