Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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