there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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