I need help removing her.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
