loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
