How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
