Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
