How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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