Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
