What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
