Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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