I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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