and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
