just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who died my cat blue again?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
