you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't turn off my feet"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
