I think my fart just growled at me.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
