Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
