Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
