Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
