Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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