She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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