I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
