Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
